Time for a return to our (now) recurring feature here at the Prismatic Vistas: Alluring Suitor.

As a reminder if you missed our first installment: Alluring Suitor is our Magic: The Gathering matchmaking service, where real human beings share their real dating profiles, and my trusty Vampiric Tutor and I match them up with the perfect Magic planeswalker and/or legend.

Want to know YOUR Magic match? Read to the end to find out how.

Meet Aishwarya

Today’s lucky volunteer is Aishwarya, Ash for short, whose pronouns are she and they. Here’s Aishwarya’s self-summary:

help I’m NB but I can’t stop girlbossing

tall but babie. real life vampire. I’m a working videogame designer but I haven’t played any games in a while. I like reading tragic novels, making weird cocktails, and playing elf twink necromancers with mommy issues. I have adhd and I love people who are fucking WEIRD

Strong choices. Last time our theme word was “awkward,” this time it’s “weird”, which, power to you, Aishwarya. I’m very intrigued by the specificity of “elf twink necromancer with mommy issues.” It makes you wonder: when will Magic get its first creature with the “twink” subtype?

Some other highlights from Aishwarya’s profile:

I could probably beat you at:

Being an insufferable knowitall [sic]. DO NOT bring me to trivia night I cannot contain myself.

Aishwarya’s smart, and maybe a little self-conscious about seeming controlling or overbearing as a result (I’m thinking of this alongside the “girlboss” line from above, which is a funny gender joke but also self-deprecating in a similar way).

My golden rule:

I like to make plans. I have an artistic vision for my life.

That seems complemented by Aishwarya’s next answer. Ash wants to make plans.

What I’m actually looking for:

I’m a bestie kind of gal. I want us to be besties.

Finally, let’s talk about Aishwarya’s pics, which I must say are fire. Once again these are strong choices; there are no pictures of Ash smiling. Her expressions in them range from somber to mysterious. In several, she appears to be cosplaying, wearing costume makeup simulating scars or some sort of corruption. To give you a sense of these pictures, I’m going to go with Alabaster Host Sanctifier.

Art from the card Alabaster Host Sanctifier. A woman holds a chalice in the air, marked with a Phyrexian symbol. Her face is grave and there are signs of compleation on her face, dark marks and a white plate growing out of one eye.

Alabaster Host Sanctifier by Konstantin Porubov

Our Sanctifier captures the gravity and intensity that Aishwarya communicates through these photos, and the corruption on her face looks like something that Ash might want to cosplay.

Meet Aishwarya’s Match

Alright, it’s time to cast Vampiric Tutor and find Aishwarya’s perfect Magic match.

Aishwarya likes the alternative–“weird” things and people, as they put it–with maybe a little bent towards the gothic or even macabre (“tragic” novels and, of course, the elf twink necromancer). They’re smart and knowledgeable and self-aware/self-conscious enough to know that they can be a little intense about it. They have a self-deprecating streak. And despite all of that, they also have very specific plans in mind about their life goals, and their relationship goals also. They’re not looking for some fun or a casual connection; they want a bestie.

I want to match Aishwarya with someone who can meet her intensity, who she doesn’t have to be self-conscious around for acing trivia, who has goals of their own and works hard to meet them. I want someone with the confidence to know how fabulous they are, who can call Aishwarya out when she’s being down on herself. And we have an exciting opportunity here, because Aishwarya’s very open to the weird. That opens up some of Magic’s more interesting possibilities–I mean, Mavren’s perfect match ended up being a dinosaur.

And that’s why I feel comfortable pairing Aishwarya with none other than the queen of the crypt herself, Gisa Cecani.

Art from the card Gisa, Ghoulcaller, by Karla Ortiz. A deathly pale woman with uncanny yellow eyes. She wears a rich but tattered gown, and has a feral smile. She has a shovel lifted over her shoulder, as if to strike the viewer.

Ghisa Ghoulcaller by Karla Ortiz

You heard me right. Gisa had a hand in saving Innistrad from the Phyrexians, for goodness sake; she can have little a love connection, as a treat. Like Aishwarya, Gisa is smart, driven, and I think it’s probably fair to say that she has an artistic vision for her life, even if ghoul-calling is a slightly unconventional option. Aishwarya can sit with her and design games while Gisa contemplates strange new creatures to turn into zombies; maybe Aishwarya can even keep Geralf off of Gisa’s back for once, helping him refine the rules of NecroWarfare a bit.

On the flip side, getting Gisa to think about something other than elevating her ghoul-calling to new heights might be a challenge, but I think Aishwarya’s up to it; if nothing else works, they can share anecdotes from their own necromantic exploits as an elf twink. And once Gisa’s affections are engaged, I think this match has potential to really catch fire (much like the surrounding countryside, if Gisa gets too excited). Gisa is nothing if not focused; she’ll give Aishwarya all the attention and affection they deserve and lovingly work out that self-deprecating streak and care for this tall babie with the same endless admiration she showers on her zombie minions.

Gisa is a little murderous, so just to be safe we’ll send Aishwarya in for that first date with lilies, chocolate, some rare necromantic texts to start a conversation, and a company of Cathars waiting nearby. I hear Adeline is looking for ways to work out her aggression, for some reason.

Art from the card Adeline, Resplendent Cathar, by Bryan Sola. Adeline, a dark-skinned woman in full armor, rides a horse with her sword raised, surrounded by resolute soldiers armed with pikes. The sun rises behind her.

Adeline, Resplendent Cathar by Bryan Sola

That’s it for Aishwarya and their new love (good luck, Ash). Interested in seeing yourself on a future installment of Alluring Suitor? Good news, there’s now a form for that. Slide into our DMs, and maybe you’ll see the legend of your dreams here before too long…

Dora Rogers (she/her) is a writer, game designer, and heart-eyes lesbo from Montreal. She is one half of Gal Pal Games, and you can find her solo TTRPG and interactive fiction projects on itch.io. Follow her in all the places, or catch her on Arena playing questionable Vorthos decks in Standard.

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