Notorious Magic: the Gathering supervillain Mark “MaRo” Rosewater has been on a quest to kill Magic for over 20 years. He has (so far) failed to do so, despite being the Head Designer of Magic and thus being in the perfect position to destroy the game from within.

But it appears that today Rosewater will have yet another chance. This morning marks the beginning of Wizards of the Coast’s first-ever Announcement Week and MaRo will be announcing “changes [WotC will] be making to [their] sets going forward.” This can only mean one thing: finally, after more than 20 years, Mark Rosewater has managed to kill Magic. Here’s our best guesses at how exactly MaRo will finally kill Magic.

1. The Standard format will no longer be officially supported

R&D doesn’t have the resources to test and balance two years’ worth of cards and can no longer guarantee an enjoyable experience. The Standard format will therefore join Extended in format exile.

2. Block Constructed returns to the Pro Tour

Perhaps Standard will remain as a supported format. But, given the last year of Standard missteps, all future Pro Tours will be Block Constructed. This will ensure that the current set will be heavily featured while still giving R&D a chance to successfully create a balanced format.

3. Chris Pikula will be given a special induction into the Hall of Fame…alongside Mike Long

Last week, Wizards changed the eligibility requirements for the Pro Tour Hall of Fame. These changes make it significantly less likely that important players from Magic’s past with a lack of recent high-level success, like Chris Pikula, will get the chance to be voted into the Hall. MaRo’s solution: give Mike Long a special induction into the HoF. And maybe Chris, too.

4. Someone discovered the “real” third set in the Ice Age block

Named Defrost, it will be released as a supplemental product and will replaced Coldsnap in Ice Age Block constructed.

5. MaRo finally figured out Riggers and Contraptions

Given the roaring success that was the Vehicle mechanic, there’s no way this could go wrong… Right?

6. The R&D team has been fired

Please clean out your desks. Security will escort you from the building and we will never speak of this again.

7. EDH/Commander GPs

Following the official support of 1v1 Commander leagues and their smooth rollout on Magic Online, Wizards has decided to convert Commander into a primarily competitive format with GP support.

8. Cryptozoic, the makers of the Hex TCG, sues Wizards for infringing on their IP

I mean, Magic does seem extremely similar to Hex. Very suspicious if you ask me.

9. No more reserved list

Keep dreaming.

10. Mark Rosewater will be revealed to have been three children stacked on top of each other in a trench coat the entire time

Just kidding, Mark, we love you! We’re sure you’ll finally succeed in killing Magic one of these days.

Don't Miss Out!

Sign up for the Hipsters Newsletter for weekly updates.