Let’s talk Grand Prix. I loved Matt Sperling’s article this week. Under the guise of satire he pointed out some real problems with the Grand Prix experience. I’m going to be a touch more direct, but hopefully no less entertaining in my aim to enlighten the community to the perils of the Grand Prix experience.

Grand Prix Orlando

It’s Saturday morning and I have 2 byes so I try to take care of business during the first few rounds. I like the bathroom right after a round starts.

I do my thing (let’s not get into details) and I’m washing my hands when I notice there’s a line for the men’s urinal. The way the bathroom is set up only the first person in line can see that there are 6, 3 open. Yup 3 open! The second guy in line peeks his head around and sees this and I can only guess he’s like, “What the heck!? 3 open stalls! I need to pee and I’ve been waiting here for like 5 minutes!”

He passes the guy next in line, heading to a urinal. One opens up just in time and he talks that. Everyone is maintaining a space of one free urinal.
The guy that was next in line gets super upset, “Hey, you just cut me in line!”
“Dude, there are 3 other open stalls!”
“I’m not peeing next to another guy! You might look at my dick while I’m peeing.”
(As if it’s stupid to suggest that the even numbered urinals are there for any reason other than spacing and “dick” privacy).

At this point everyone waiting to pee starts in because they realize that it’s idiocy to have a line just because of, I don’t really know, homophobia. Meanwhile the guy in the front of the line just stands there I guess waiting for three urinals to magically open so no one sees his penis.

“Some motherfuckers are always trying to ice skate uphill.” -Blade

As far as I know, he is still there waiting to pee and trying to prove some idiotic point.

I’m gonna quote fellow HOTC writer Jess Striba, “Masculinity so fragile, indeed. Honestly, shit like that’s why dudes need feminism just as much as the rest of us. You are not well served by the ridiculous demands of compulsory masculinity!”

I couldn’t agree more.

Some Hope for Grand Prix Pittsburgh

Now look, that’s a down note. I love Grand Prixs myself. You know what I love about Grand Prixs the most? The Hope! Every round friends meet up talk about their records. Hopes of Day 2 and as the day goes on and hopes die, that hope gets transferred to favorite pros or their friends. It’s pretty awesome stuff.

Me, I have a bit of a ritual. I like to get pumped between rounds. To do that I listen to music. In fact I often make playlists to get me psyched. So I figured I share my current playlist. It’s a mix of 15 of the best inspirational songs from some of the best movies from the 80s.

In case you don’t rock the Spotify here’s the whole thing in Youtube links.

That’s me this week. Bathroom etiquette and rock anthems.

Zac Clark


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